Battle Lines

A chill is in the air. Ahead, someone is staring at you, waiting for you to make a choice. A choice that could very well irrevocably alter your destiny forever. Lines have been drawn. Calves have been slaughtered. Now is the time for your decision. It all comes down to one question: Are you going to buy the strangest fruit roll-ups yet conceived, or not?


Yes! Batman Battle Rolls let you choose between good and evil with every bite! Simply choose if you would rather eat the hero or villain first, peel away the roll from the backing, and see if you chose the character with the higher hit points! It's like reading a comic book and playing an RPG at the same time, only without any annoying story interfering with pure battle mechanics! Also, Battle Rolls come in handy as the perfect analogy for the inner struggle between good and evil when writing your english, history, or media criticism papers - and they have over 5% vitamin C! Plus, the box makes it pretty clear Batman is ready to punch you in the stomach if you don't buy his products.


Note: Although I didn't actually see it myself, I'm assuming calves were indeed slaughtered at some point, since the meat department was fairly well stocked when I walked past it. So there was bound to be veal in there somewhere.